Ted “The Animal” Gerard
Ted Gerard died in South Padre Island, Texas on March 12th 2009 suffering from neck bite wounds caused by the recent zombie apocalypse. Ted was known to be the reason for the zombie apocalypse stemming from a recent party attended by Ted and zombies alike. The bites occurred after Ted got trapped in a back alley by Julius Caeser (zombie) and Abraham Lincoln (zombie). The zombies left him for dead and he was found by his best friend Frank Ricardo.
Ted was born on October 12th 1990 in Cambridge, Massachusetts. He is one of three siblings, his parents Paul and Lisa Gerard, his brother Garth, and his sister Eliza. Ted was currently enrolled at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst. He was a sophomore in class standing and was an undeclared major. Ted’s legacy was preceded by his fathers’ , who is a famous lawyer in Massachusetts. Ted won several awards in his fraternity, Alpha Pi Alpha, including “longest keg stand” and “longest drunk bicycle ride.” Ted was also recently involved in servicing his community, it has not been stated whether it was volunteer or not.
Ted is survived by his parents, Paul and Lisa Gerard, brother Garth, and sister Eliza. He is preceded in death by his best friend Frank Ricardo, who the zombies got to first.
There was going to be a public wake at Cambridge Funeral Home on Thursday at 3:00 p.m. but, he can now be seen wreaking havoc in the streets because he has been turned into a zombie. Ted has been known to hang around the corner of Mass. Ave. and Upland St. Memorial contributions are now donated to the L.K.Z. (Let’s Kill Zombies) fund to further prevent these recent attacks and can be made at St. John’s The Evangelist Roman Catholic in Cambridge, Ma.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
L.K.Z. hahaha. i like the story.
ReplyDeleteSounds like he lived a fun life. Sounds like we should stay away from his location.
ReplyDeleteNice obituary, anyone who can do the longest drunk bicycle ride sure does deserve a nice funeral. I'm sure he'll have a nice afterlife wrecking havoc in the streets.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWait, if his friend Ricardo was who was attacked first by the zombies then how did he find Ted? How did Ted start the zombie Apocalypse? Was Ted the first of the zombies? How and Why? Good work, those were just a few questions I had.
ReplyDeleteGood. Questions about the specific context of a zombie that is nearly 200 years old let alone nearly 2000 years old aside I love zombie stories. Good characterization of the life and death, the "preceded by his father" felt like it really struck sense of a lack of direction home.
ReplyDelete